When I Finally Felt Ready to Reflect
Today I finally did my end-of-year reflection.
I hadn’t felt ready to do it until now, and honestly, WOW.
This is the part I want to share with you, because it was one of the most impactful moments for me. The rest feels deeply personal, and I’m choosing to keep that for myself.
I recently learned that, in numerology, this year carries the energy of a 9. A year of deep shedding, and my god, have I felt every single moment of that.
The last time we were called into this kind of energy was 2017.
So much can happen in nine years. Sitting with who I was then and who I am now was emotional, but it also gave me a whole new respect for the version of myself I’m standing in today. One I might never have fully noticed otherwise.
2017 was the year I married the love of my life. My soulmate, life partner and now the father of my two children. That day still lives in my memory as perfectly as it did nine years ago.
It was also the year I lived with high-functioning anxiety, severe panic attacks, paranoia, and relentless overthinking, to a level where, looking back, I’m not quite sure how I functioned at all.
Physically, I was in some of the best shape of my life.
Mentally, I was drowning.
I was consumed by people-pleasing and peace-keeping. I wanted to stay invisible, even on my wedding day. I was terrified of judgement, obsessively private, and constantly worried about what everyone else thought about the life I was living.
I remember repeatedly saying I just wanted to “be something”, without having the faintest idea what that actually meant for me.
I feel so sad for that version of myself knowing what I know now. How deeply sad to not want to be truly seen for all of who you are, especially on your wedding day.
Fast forward to 2025, and here’s some of what I would tell the 2017 version of myself:
“You would not believe that I am the purple-haired woman we dreamed of being at seventeen. Unapologetically bold, passionate, and making a real difference in the world.
(I’m still working on the purple hair part though.)
I have two incredible children, a mortgage, and a family home I still love as much today as the day we bought it five years ago. I run my own business, fully self-employed, helping people and the best part?
My every move is no longer governed by anxiety, fear, and panic.
While I’m not at my smallest in terms of dress size or weight, I am a thousand times more confident in who I am than I ever was back then.”
During this reflection, I rewrote moments I once judged myself for. I named what I’m most proud of this year, and what I’m deeply grateful for to name but a few.
But the most important thing to remember is this:
I did this reflection when I felt ready.
Not when I felt I should.
Not to keep up, and not because everyone else was doing it.
Did I have to gently check myself at times? Yes.
But I forced nothing, and because of that, I could finally see clearly just how far I’ve come. If I’d done this work when I felt I should, I wouldn’t have been able to give myself the space this reflection truly deserved.
As we close out this year, I invite you to reflect on the last twelve months at a time that feels right for you.
So often, we move straight into a new year without truly acknowledging ourselves. Our growth, the resilience, the quiet wins, and even the moments we wish we’d handled differently.
If you feel ready to celebrate yourself, honour your growth, and gently release what no longer needs to come with you, I’ve created a set of journal prompts, along with a soft release ritual, to guide you through that process.
No pressure, and not forcing, just a gentle invitation if and when it feels right you.